Forgiveness

As a teacher I was always trying to teach my students ethical and moral practices that they may not receive anywhere else. It was so amazing to me to see six and seven year olds treat each other with more love, kindness and empathy than most adults I know. It all stemmed from the Discipline without Stress, Punishments or Rewards system that we used. I blogged about the parenting version of this if you want to read more about it click HERE. There were many values that I taught  my kids empathy, patience, understanding, optimism, flexibility, etc. A value that I think all kids (and adults too) should learn is forgiveness.

I started thinking about this blog after listening to Tenth Avenue North's song "Losing". The lyrics explain a hurtful situation and needing God's help in forgiveness. Click on the right to listen to the song. 

Yeah we don't like to talk about forgiveness. Forgiving others who have wronged us is hhhaarrrrddd.  Let's face it most of us have been hurt pretty seriously at some point in our lives.  If you have ever heard my whole conversion story then you know I had to do a lot of forgiving myself. We are taught in this culture that if you are a forgiving person then you are a push over. We have to defend ourselves and stand up for what we believe in or people will walk all over us. So we end up being a culture of people who cannot trust one another. We need to teach children that people make mistakes and before we get angry to put ourselves in their shoes. Many kids do not know how to look at someone else's perspective on a matter. They believe that the wrong doing was intentional and hurtful, when in fact it was usually accidental. As adults we do the same thing, especially to those we love the most.

Granted there are times when people are intentionally hurtful and mean. What do we do in this situation? We are still called to forgive.  When asked how many times to forgive someone  Jesus said seven times seventy-seven times wholy moly that is 539 times!!! Can you imagine forgiving someone that many times and remaining friends with them? Jesus did! He has forgiven us as many times in our own lives and he keeps hanging around every time we make another mistake. He doesn't just pack up and walk away each time we screw up. Now I don't think it is a good idea to put up with that kind of abuse from someone, but it does show how important forgiveness is to Jesus.

In the Lord's Prayer or "Our Father" we say "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespassed against us" What does that mean? It means God forgive me just as I forgive others. Sooooo what happens if we don't forgive others? Yikes!! Does this mean that God gives up on us and won't forgive us? No. It means that it makes it hard for us to accept the Grace and forgiveness from God. When we are holding onto pain and anger we can't fully accept God's Grace.  We cause ourselves added pain and anguish. So what is the best way to start forgiving someone who has wronged you? It is not something you can do on your own. The only way to truly forgive someone is through the Grace of God. So go to confession. Yep I am back on the confession bandwagon. :) For me reconciliation is always the answer for any problem in our lives. Give it to God through confession and  you will be freed from that pain and anguish.This doesn't mean you have to agree with what they did or go through that again. It just means that you have to let go of the anger and pain. Another way to change your heart is to pray for the person who has hurt you. This is a great skill to teach kids. If someone is bothering you pray for them. It helps us to see them as people who make mistakes and need God's Grace just like we do.


We were not taught these kind of things as kids so many of us have dealt with pain for a long time. That is why it is our job to teach our kids how to forgive before someone hurts them.  If you practice with the little things then it makes the larger things easier to handle.  In a classroom or family situation most things that happen are little and insignificant. We need to teach kids to forgive others and also to ask for forgiveness when they have wronged others. Asking for forgiveness is equally as difficult as giving others forgiveness.

Why do Catholics have to go to confession?

The answer is we don't have to we GET to!
 We actually call the Sacrament of Reconciliation a celebration. We get to rejoin ourselves with Christ and His love and Grace every time our sins are washed away. So what comes to mind when you think of confession? A dark, scary, wooden confessional with a condemning priest on the other side of a screen that slams closed on the person confessing? That is what we see in the movies. This could not be further from the truth. What do we actually see when we walk into confession?  Two chairs and a smiling priest who is so glad that you chose to come and be reunited with Christ today.  Most of the time we do not go behind a screen in fact I never have before. If I did, then I would miss out on the beautiful look of love and compassion in the priests eyes as I share my most difficult stumbles in life. We still have that option available for people who prefer to remain anonymous but I constantly urge people to go face to face. I have seen confession take place in an empty room, near a river and even in a teepee once at a teen retreat. :) It can take place anywhere as long as the priest is open and willing to hear your confession.

So why confess?  We all know that Jesus is loving and forgiving. There is no sin that He will not forgive, if we come to Him with an honest heart and ask for forgiveness. But how often do you forgive yourself? Is there something from your past that resurfaces periodically and leaves a horrible guilty feeling in the pit of your stomach? We have a much more difficult time forgiving ourselves then Christ does. He WANTS to forgive us. He wants that pain and guilt to vanish forever. I know before going to reconciliation for the first time I would ask for forgiveness to God in prayer over and over for the same sin, but I could never forgive myself.

During the Sacrament of Reconciliation Christ washes away all of our sin and pain. This leaves our heart open to receive the Grace and Love of God.  Sin is very binding and clouds our relationship with God. It is nearly impossible to hear His soft voice and follow Him when wrapped in sin. For this reason nearly every retreat I have ever been to begins with reconciliation. Afterwards we are wide open to recieve God's grace for the rest of the retreat.

This is one of my favorite parts of each retreat. I love to share my views on reconciliation with teens, adults and children.  The teens are always so scared their first time. Many of them have not gone to reconciliation since they were in second grade. They walk in apprehensive and nervous. They come out so full of life that they are practically floating with joy and grace. It is obvious the trasnformation that takes place in the confessional.  At our Confirmation retreat last weekend I witnessed a 15 year-old boy walk out of the confessional and yell "That was amazing! God MUST be real!" After that first real experience many teens become reconciliatoin advocates. They actually begin to look forward to confession. When the time comes they run to the front of the line to be first.  It just makes my day!

We need to teach our teens and young children about this celebration! We need to show them that it is not scary or condemning in anyway. It is quite the opposite!! I had so much fun teaching second grade this year because I had three little sweet Catholic girls in my class. They had their first reconciliation and Eucharist this year. I was able to share my faith with them in the corner of the playground. It was our own little top secret bible study. :) They were all so scared by the thought of confession. I explained to them how wonderful it is. Then they could not wait for it to be their first reconciliation day! They all came back so happy and wanted to go again.

St. Faustina was a Catholic Nun who was visited by Christ over a three year period. Her mission was to share with the world God's unending Mercy and Love. Her diary chronicles these visits, and oh my, is it spiritual! In one of her visits Christ speaks to her about reconciliation. These are His words:

"When you go to confession, know this, that I myself am waiting for you in the confessional; I am only hidden by the priest, but I myself act in your soul. Here the misery of the soul meets the God of Mercy. Tell souls that from this fount of mercy souls draw graces solely with the vessel of trust. If their trust is great there is no limit to my generosity"

I love the idea of Christ waiting for us, but we just can't see Him. I picture Him with a beautiful smile on His face and full of love and kindness as we reunite ourselves to Him.

So what is our goal as parents? Go to confession often the more you go the better you will feel! Matthew Kelly in his book "Rediscover Catholicisim" relates confession to a car wash analogy. Think about when you first have your car washed and detailed. It smells so pretty and everything is clean. Your car may have looked like a homelss person was living out of it last week but not anymore! Now it is perfect and clean.  So then your son leaves his shoes in the back. You say "nope we are keeping this car clean take them in the house".  Next your daughter leaves a doll in the car and you instruct her too to keep your beautiful car clean. You are not letting this car look like a homeless person lived here again! After that you accidentally leave a Target bag in the back, then a Sonic cup, then your kids each leave an item or two. By next week you have forgotten that you were trying to keep the car clean at all. Before long it is full of strange items again.

The same is true with reconciliation when we first walk out of the confessional we are squeaky clean and ready to take on the world! I am not letting sin get in my life, no sir! Then I might say something I don't mean, have a negative thought here or there. Then before you know it sin has crept back into our lives.  That is why we must go often especially if you are struggling with something. If I have a problem the first thing I do is take it to God in reconciliation. That is the way to tackle those big problems.

We also need to be open about confession with our kids. That doesn't mean you have to tell them WHAT you confessed just let them know that you go often because you choose to. Let them see how it effects your faith. Encourage them with love to go often as well.  Please don't force them, that will only create resentment. 

This is my view of reconciliation coming from a previous Protestant prospective. I hope it helps you to reconcile with God soon and often! Happy Confessing!!!