Parenting Without Stress

Could that really be true? Is it possible to be a stress-less parent? Probably not, but this book does help. It is written by Dr. Marvin Marshall and I used the companion book in my classroom Discipline Without Stress, Punishments, or Rewards. Dr. Marshall's philosophy is to teach children to be independent self-managers who know the difference between right and wrong. Not to simply raise children who perform well for a prize or reward. Isn't this what we all want? Children who make the right choices based on morals and "Doing the Right Thing?" I know that is what I want for my own kiddos. I have to admit that teaching kids to make the right choices by following this system is my absolute favorite subject to teach. I would teach morality all day long if I could. :) Unfortunately, I did not teach at a private school so I was not able to incorporate my faith into any of this teaching but it all coincides so nicely with the Christian faith.

There are three main components to the program: Positivity, Choice/Questioning and the Behavior Levels. All three of these remind children to be responsible for their behavior and reflect on what level they are performing on. The levels are A: Acting out of Control and this is anything that is dangerous or hurtful to others, B:Bullying, bossying, or bothering, C:Cooperation- this is considered a good behavioral level but not the best. On level C children do what they are asked to do by an adult, because someone is watching them or they know they will receive some type of reward. This is the height of most behavioral systems in America. Level D is the highest form or self control and moral thinking. D stands for "Doing the Right Thing". On level D children do what they are supposed to do without being asked by an adult or without anyone watching. They simply make good choices because they know it is the right thing. This may also be going out of their way to do something nice for someone else just to make them happy. We often talk about the internal rewards that they receive by operating on level D "it feels good in my heart". Children shine when they can treat each other with love and respect just because it feels good to help others.

Whew that was a long winded explanation of the program. I could talk for hours about it because I love it so much. I am now teaching this program to my 3 and 4 year old girls. Each night we discuss a different behavior level, read a book to go with it, then draw pictures of what that behavior looks like. Yes I am a total teacher so I hung the pictures on the wall in our playroom, but you don't have to do that. :) You could make a book for them to refer back to or some other fun and creative way to keep these little reminders.

The books that accompany them are Level A: Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse by: Kevin Henkes

Level B: A Weekend With Wendell by: Kevin Henkes

A Bad Case of the Stripes by: David Shannon

The Recess Queen by: Alexis O'Neill

 

Level C: The Little Red Hen






Level D: There are oh so many and I read them often to remind them of what level D looks like

"Jamaica's Find"
"Ella the Elegant Elephant"
"Clever Jack Takes the Cake"
Or any other book where the characters show love, kindness and respect to one another. 

Here are some DWS posters that I made. They have the behavior level, examples of that behavior and an icon to remind the child. You can also sit down with your kiddos and have them come up with more behaviors that would fit in each level.  To download them for free visit my Teachers Pay Teachers site here.

 

 

 

 

It is better to give....

Each Christmas I try my hardest to show my kids that there is more to Christmas than just presents. In fact I am not sure they even realize that they get presents until it is time to open them. :) One way to do this is to focus on giving to others this Christmas season.
I love teaching children to give. One of my favorite moments as a teacher is when I see the light switch turn on in a child. It is the moment when they realize it is more fun to give to others than to receive something. Our kids are so flooded with toys and gifts that the happiness that they receive from gifts is temporary and fleeting. When they feel the joy and love that comes from giving for the first time it is a long term sustaining happiness and they can't wait to give again. The kids would tell me "I love helping my friends. It makes me feel good in my heart!" 
I have noticed that everyone seems to be very generous this time of year especially in non-profits that provide toys to children. While I think this is a noble cause I just can't help having the same feelings each year. Here in America we spend millions of dollars on toys and fancy Christmas dinners while there are millions of Christians around the world that celebrate Christmas with nothing, not even clean running water. Couldn't our donations be better spent elsewhere? I have found several great ministries that gift to the most needy in the world and your kids can help as well.

 The first is called Operation Christmas Child. In this program we pack shoe boxes with toiletries, pictures and small toys to send to kids in 3rd world countries. I especially like this because our children can take such an active roll in deciding what to send. They can even chose to send some of their own toys, draw pictures or write the children letters. I did this last year with my 2nd grade class and we sent 13 boxes. It was great! The boxes are due the week before Thanksgiving and you can drop them off at local churches that participate in the program. To look for a church near you visit their website.
Operation Christmas Child


Another ministry that is dear to my heart is the water project in Nigeria. When Chad and I returned to the church and became active for the first time we met Father James. He was fresh from Siminary and ready to make a difference in the world. Father James is from a small town in Nigeria that is so poor  they do not have running water in their homes or anywhere in town. They would wash their clothes and drink the water from the slow moving creek. It was dirty and unsanitary. Father James started a program to raise money for his town. He has gone back three years in a row and built water systems to be used by all of the town's people. Here is a video from his visit two years ago. It is so beautiful to see the joy in the eyes of the people. They truly are thankful for everything that God has given them.

If you are interested in helping Father James with his ministry you can visit his church website.
stmarys-parish.com/

Another program that I just love is called "Sinks for Moms" it is put on by an organization called Kid to Kid. The founders of this organization were members of my church before they became full time missionaries. Each Christmas they come back and ask for support to provide sinks to families would not otherwise have running water in South American countries.


Kids to Kids

I also love Samaritan's Purse. It is a great place to "Shop" for loved ones. The catalog is not your average Christmas catalog. Instead of being filled with toys and clothing galore, the catalog has necessities like goats, grain, pigs, etc. You can "buy" a loved on a pig in their honor for Christmas. I love the idea of giving each other "gifts" that will help others.
www.samaritanspurse.org/

It does not really matter which of these great organizations you choose to help. The important thing is that you include your children in the decision and the fund raising. Invite them to give of their own money or to raise funds somehow. Kids love to put on little fundraisers like lemonade stands or bake sales. I had several kids in my class last year that had birthday parties and instead of receiving gifts themselves asked if they could donate all of their gifts. You could also host a Christmas party and ask for donations to be given to a charity. There are so many ways to involve children in giving and they love to be part of it. Encourage your children this Christmas to give to others and watch the joy that it creates in their hearts.

Only 59 More Shopping Days Until Christmas

Okay so I am not trying to be like Hobby Lobby and start advertising Christmas before Halloween is over or anything, buuuuttt I felt this necessary. Advent is quickly approaching and it seems to sneak up on me every year. It starts the Sunday after Thanksgiving so we are still wrapped up in the fun of turkey, football, trying to save five bucks on a toaster and putting up Christmas decorations that we forget to celebrate the first Sunday of Advent.

What is Advent? Is it a time to shower our homes with all things Christmassy? Is it a time for Christmas parties and Christmas wish lists? The way I see it Advent is similar to Lent. It is a time to prepare our hearts for one of the most amazing miracles that has ever taken place in the history of the world. God's one and only son was born in a barn to a virgin who said yes. It is truly miraculous. How do we celebrate this beautiful gift? With presents, excess, presents and more excess. We forget to step back and look at what God gave us, love in its simplest form. Through a newborn baby surrounded by animals in a manger.

Now I may not make a ton of friends with this post but I feel like I should be true to who I am. I love the Christmas season as much as the next guy, but I will NOT allow my kids to believe that Christmas is all about presents, Santa and being good because the little Elf is watching. I want my kids to love and cherish Christmas for the real reason. We don't need to candy coat it with presents and elves, Christmas is a miracle and children LOVE to hear the story of baby Jesus. Have you ever seen how enamored children  become when they see baby Jesus in the manger? They love him! When my 23 year old cousin Tabitha was 4 she told my mom "Aunt Kathy I need to borrow your Mary and your Baby Jesus I will bring them back on Tuesday". She loved to carry around those little figurines.Why did she love them so? Because God put a place in her heart that was only made for Him. It wasn't made for Santa or presents it was made to yearn for Him. In her purest little form she loved Jesus for who He was.

Does this mean I don't celebrate the secular Christmas in my house? No, I would never give up the secret to my kids, but I don't encourage it much. I figure they get enough information about Santa at school and on TV. At home we focus on the true meaning of Christmas.  If my kids are going to behave well because of someone they can't see I want that someone to be God. I want them to make choices because it is the right thing to do not because the Elf might go tell Santa. Children have a difficult time discerning what is real from imaginary. I worry that when find out the truth about Santa they might believe we have been tricking them about God all along too. Wouldn't that be sad?

So what can we do to encourage them this Christmas Season? We can take full advantage of Advent as a time to prepare our hearts and homes for the coming of Jesus.  Last year we made a Jesse Tree. A Jesse Tree is a type of Advent calendar but instead of getting a candy each day the family reads a bible story together and makes an ornament for the tree. The stories begin with Adam and Eve and go through the entire bible until Jesus is born. It is a fabulous way to teach your children the stories of Salvation History. It might also be a good way to learn the stories yourself as well. :)
 Last year during Advent my two year old could tell you all about Adam and Eve and how they did not obey God, the story of Jacob and his jealous brothers, even Abraham and Isaac. The girls loved working on the Jesse Tree Ornaments each day.  You can buy Jesse Tree ornaments on Etsy and other sites that are cutesy, but I liked that it became a family craft together.   It gave us something to do together each evening. I simply printed the ornaments, one set for each child. Then we decorated them in different ways each day: coloring, painting, stickers and hung them on the tree. Here is a link to a free Jesse Tree printable, it also explains the tradition in more detail.
Jesse Tree. I pray that you and your family will enjoy growing closer to God through His beautiful word this Advent season.