Parenting Without Stress

Could that really be true? Is it possible to be a stress-less parent? Probably not, but this book does help. It is written by Dr. Marvin Marshall and I used the companion book in my classroom Discipline Without Stress, Punishments, or Rewards. Dr. Marshall's philosophy is to teach children to be independent self-managers who know the difference between right and wrong. Not to simply raise children who perform well for a prize or reward. Isn't this what we all want? Children who make the right choices based on morals and "Doing the Right Thing?" I know that is what I want for my own kiddos. I have to admit that teaching kids to make the right choices by following this system is my absolute favorite subject to teach. I would teach morality all day long if I could. :) Unfortunately, I did not teach at a private school so I was not able to incorporate my faith into any of this teaching but it all coincides so nicely with the Christian faith.

There are three main components to the program: Positivity, Choice/Questioning and the Behavior Levels. All three of these remind children to be responsible for their behavior and reflect on what level they are performing on. The levels are A: Acting out of Control and this is anything that is dangerous or hurtful to others, B:Bullying, bossying, or bothering, C:Cooperation- this is considered a good behavioral level but not the best. On level C children do what they are asked to do by an adult, because someone is watching them or they know they will receive some type of reward. This is the height of most behavioral systems in America. Level D is the highest form or self control and moral thinking. D stands for "Doing the Right Thing". On level D children do what they are supposed to do without being asked by an adult or without anyone watching. They simply make good choices because they know it is the right thing. This may also be going out of their way to do something nice for someone else just to make them happy. We often talk about the internal rewards that they receive by operating on level D "it feels good in my heart". Children shine when they can treat each other with love and respect just because it feels good to help others.

Whew that was a long winded explanation of the program. I could talk for hours about it because I love it so much. I am now teaching this program to my 3 and 4 year old girls. Each night we discuss a different behavior level, read a book to go with it, then draw pictures of what that behavior looks like. Yes I am a total teacher so I hung the pictures on the wall in our playroom, but you don't have to do that. :) You could make a book for them to refer back to or some other fun and creative way to keep these little reminders.

The books that accompany them are Level A: Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse by: Kevin Henkes

Level B: A Weekend With Wendell by: Kevin Henkes

A Bad Case of the Stripes by: David Shannon

The Recess Queen by: Alexis O'Neill

 

Level C: The Little Red Hen






Level D: There are oh so many and I read them often to remind them of what level D looks like

"Jamaica's Find"
"Ella the Elegant Elephant"
"Clever Jack Takes the Cake"
Or any other book where the characters show love, kindness and respect to one another. 

Here are some DWS posters that I made. They have the behavior level, examples of that behavior and an icon to remind the child. You can also sit down with your kiddos and have them come up with more behaviors that would fit in each level.  To download them for free visit my Teachers Pay Teachers site here.

 

 

 

 

Have you Filled a Bucket Today?

Another component that I love to incorporate in my classroom and now with my family is the book Have you Filled a Bucket Today?  The premise of this book is that everyone in the world, even your family pet, has in invisible bucket that they carry around with them each day. As friends we can either fill that persons buckets by helping them, saying nice things or just being a kind person. We can also dip into their buckets by being hurtful or mean.  Now here is the kicker... It explains that if you fill a bucket then it fills your bucket too. Being kind to others make you feel good too. On the flip side dipping into a bucket dips into your own bucket as well. The kids learn if I hurt someone it hurts me too. They quickly realize that it is not worth it to hurt others. They begin to go out of their way to help others because it feels so good for them.

With my little ones at home we have a family bucket. We each have our own colors of pom-poms and we are working together as a family to fill it. Anytime someone feels that their bucket has been filled by another family member then they can tell the other person to put a pom-pom in the bucket. Our goal is to fill the bucket so that we can celebrate together as a family at the Austin Children's Museum. The kids love this!!! It keeps the household much  more positive and loving. Now don't get me wrong siblings are the WORST bucket dippers I know. For some reason it is so much easier to be mean to your sister or brother than a friend at school, but we are getting better.



The girls received a present with the book, the bucket and a letter from Mr. Happy the bucket. Mr. Happy explianed to them that he needs them to be bucket fillers and taught them how to help one another. 

There is one more a-ha in this simple children's book. It explains that kids who have empty buckets are often the bucket dippers. Which means bullies act in that way because they feel awful about themselves. This idea often stopped me in my tracks as a teacher. When I read this for the first time last year I had just gotten on to a child in my class for not walking down the hall correctly. After I read the book he raised his hand and said "Mrs. Copeland my bucket is empty". It broke my heart because I knew that I had emptied it. Why would he want to do nice things for me and follow directions if his bucket was empty? It was a great reminder for me to treat kiddos the way that I want to be treated as well and to remember to be a bucket filler with everyone around me kids and adults alike. (Especially our husbands yikes!!)

There are also adult versions of this concept and more children's books that you can continue to read. I like to read them periodically. It is a good reminder for them and for me too!

Did Pete Cry? Goodness No!!!

Another activity that I just LOVE to do with young children is to read the book Pete the Cat. Pete is fabulous in so many ways. He is a groovy little "hipster" cat that has all sorts of rhythm and positivity. He teaches kids to not let things bother them when they go wrong. It is also quite humorous for the adult reader. His first book is about his favorite white shoes. He loves these white shoes but then he steps in something and they get dirty. "Does Pete cry? Goodness No!!!" all the kids yell it together. This continues throughout the story until the end where it gives the moral of the story "No matter what ya step in.... Keep walkin' along and singing your song" I always giggle on that part thinking about what you could step in on a really bad day. :) There are now sequels to the story. He has a book about going to school for the first time and a new one called "My Four Groovy Buttons". I especially love this one because it kind of has a little rap beat to it. I like the ghetto flava! It also shows kids that material items won't make you happy and to not worry too much about them. For each book their is a free download with the song that accompanies the book. 

Click on these links to check out a bit of each book along with their very grooovvy songs


Four Groovy Buttons

Rocking My School Shoes

Pete The Cat

There is also a little plush Pete the Cat doll and some fun activities to do with him. It serves as a great reminder for kiddos of how to react when things go wrong or they are not happy about something. Our first graders used to sing "I love to Clean Up" whenever they had to clean because they didn't want to clean but they wanted to be like Pete. I also always wanted to have a little take home Pete journal where the kids could write about ways that they overcame some kind of adversity. Could be as small as I lost my favorite toy to as big as a family problem that they didn't let bother them. Small kids could draw pictures about these types of things as well.
Isn't Pete Great? Who wouldn't love a groovy little optimistic cat?!